I remember being told that I had done nothing with my life, that I was not even worth an entry level job at a company that basically takes squares and fits them into square shaped holes... time taught me that I was indeed being challenged to apply an appropriate retort, but I took the comment head on, and fell flat. At first.
Over the last 3 BLOODY YEARS, it is clear to me that my efforts to achieve something other than nothing have never faltered, but my direction has been waving left to right, leading me carefully towards security, order and normal, until I realise that I am too much of a stubborn twat to accept that that is what my life could end up being. I spend a large amount of my day contemplating where I want myself to end up, and thinking about the near future wondering what might come of it with what I am doing now.
So what is it I am up to now, after the dreams of working alongside the imagination stations of tomorrow, the pioneers of techno-tainment, sculptures of the visions of the past, present and future? The story went, I worked at an MMORPG developer as part of their customer representative team, which was shortly followed by play-testing another couple of kinect titles. After a one off experience doing that, it became hugely evident that perhaps I was not to work alongside them, but continuing to celebrate what they do, just more publicly than in my own room by myself.
I had to go further back than this blog and further back than James Aldridge, right into the depths of this and parts of this... activities I thoroughly enjoyed, and to this day wish were still part of my every day work. I learned a lot since this blog began, and one thing was how important it is to hold on to the things you enjoy, no matter how big or small; at some point you might find yourself sat staring at a list of numbers you don't know and people you've never met or cared about, listening to voices that who hate you all day while your partner picks every available moment to be with someone other than you... yes, that was a really good time!
I came across this guy during a random YouTube session, and safe to say he did make me laugh. I had never seen a medium of entertainment like this before, and at the time the video I saw seemed like another one off skit that went viral and was forgotten after a week. Turns out I could not have been more wrong, and this guy rolled on to being the most subscribed channel on YouTube as well as an inspiration to what appears to be millions upon MILLIONS of individuals looking to YouTube and earn like he does. As time went on, I continued working in restaurants trying to figure out what to do with myself, and what opportunities might lie ahead of me. Creating games was out of the question as my ability to do that clearly fell at the first hurdle, making an online show proved too shaky as the level of dependency on a multi-million pound media company was ill-measured, and just because it was a show and I got to present, which was fun, I needed to be connected to games in SOME way. No matter what it was, I just had to be linked to video games, as I had invested so much of my money, time and emotion into them it seemed rational (to me) to share my love for games with everyone else!
So I started up my own channel... badly! The Channel name doesn't match the name of the show, the URL of the page doesn't match anything, and it basically looks like I suddenly decided to put gaming videos on YouTube like everyone else and their mother. Seriously, there a so many fucking channels right now it is like YouTube said if you start a gaming channel in 2012-13 you'll be given £5,000,000 for your first 5 posts. Nonetheless I pushed forward relentlessly, posting whatever the hell I filmed and watching eagerly while a view would arrive once a week. The channel has grown since, and I am actually really happy with the results coming in, but it's not breaking records or causing internet hysteria, so I'm holding my breath. What is important to me is that aside from the pressure of life, aside from the constant questioning of myself and my own expectations, aside from the rest of the world being annoyingly curious about what I am doing with myself, this channel has become my new safe haven. Thankfully, there is little judgement in what I'm doing, little pressure except for the pressure I apply to myself, and I get to do what I love. It's like combining good and good, hobby and hobby... I guess I have found some hybrid super hobby that takes distraction from the real world to an almost intergalactic scale. Excellent!
What it means is that what I am doing right now means sweet F.A. If I die tomorrow, I would not mind really, because I have found true joy to be had in life. A joy that is completely personal and mine. Only I can know what great sensations I feel when doing what I love doing. My job is exactly that, a job. Not a career, or hobby, or sport; it's a job that pays the bills. I could not give two fucks if the sales are down one day, or the labour is up the next, I could not care less if the company feels like we are not putting the effort in to the growth of the business. People enter the restaurant, I serve and feed them, they leave happy. Simple. The channel is like my new pet lizard, as in I never realised how much I wanted one till I realised I could actually HAVE one! Everything is a learning experience, with the community, the editing, the filming, the sound, the lighting; it's all new to me but it isn't so daunting that I don't want to do it. The only greater sensation would be for me to know that others are sharing and wallowing in my effervescent glee! But that's a long way away, and I only use that vision for when I masturbate.
So what is it I am up to now, after the dreams of working alongside the imagination stations of tomorrow, the pioneers of techno-tainment, sculptures of the visions of the past, present and future? The story went, I worked at an MMORPG developer as part of their customer representative team, which was shortly followed by play-testing another couple of kinect titles. After a one off experience doing that, it became hugely evident that perhaps I was not to work alongside them, but continuing to celebrate what they do, just more publicly than in my own room by myself.
I came across this guy during a random YouTube session, and safe to say he did make me laugh. I had never seen a medium of entertainment like this before, and at the time the video I saw seemed like another one off skit that went viral and was forgotten after a week. Turns out I could not have been more wrong, and this guy rolled on to being the most subscribed channel on YouTube as well as an inspiration to what appears to be millions upon MILLIONS of individuals looking to YouTube and earn like he does. As time went on, I continued working in restaurants trying to figure out what to do with myself, and what opportunities might lie ahead of me. Creating games was out of the question as my ability to do that clearly fell at the first hurdle, making an online show proved too shaky as the level of dependency on a multi-million pound media company was ill-measured, and just because it was a show and I got to present, which was fun, I needed to be connected to games in SOME way. No matter what it was, I just had to be linked to video games, as I had invested so much of my money, time and emotion into them it seemed rational (to me) to share my love for games with everyone else!
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So I started up my own channel... badly! The Channel name doesn't match the name of the show, the URL of the page doesn't match anything, and it basically looks like I suddenly decided to put gaming videos on YouTube like everyone else and their mother. Seriously, there a so many fucking channels right now it is like YouTube said if you start a gaming channel in 2012-13 you'll be given £5,000,000 for your first 5 posts. Nonetheless I pushed forward relentlessly, posting whatever the hell I filmed and watching eagerly while a view would arrive once a week. The channel has grown since, and I am actually really happy with the results coming in, but it's not breaking records or causing internet hysteria, so I'm holding my breath. What is important to me is that aside from the pressure of life, aside from the constant questioning of myself and my own expectations, aside from the rest of the world being annoyingly curious about what I am doing with myself, this channel has become my new safe haven. Thankfully, there is little judgement in what I'm doing, little pressure except for the pressure I apply to myself, and I get to do what I love. It's like combining good and good, hobby and hobby... I guess I have found some hybrid super hobby that takes distraction from the real world to an almost intergalactic scale. Excellent!
What it means is that what I am doing right now means sweet F.A. If I die tomorrow, I would not mind really, because I have found true joy to be had in life. A joy that is completely personal and mine. Only I can know what great sensations I feel when doing what I love doing. My job is exactly that, a job. Not a career, or hobby, or sport; it's a job that pays the bills. I could not give two fucks if the sales are down one day, or the labour is up the next, I could not care less if the company feels like we are not putting the effort in to the growth of the business. People enter the restaurant, I serve and feed them, they leave happy. Simple. The channel is like my new pet lizard, as in I never realised how much I wanted one till I realised I could actually HAVE one! Everything is a learning experience, with the community, the editing, the filming, the sound, the lighting; it's all new to me but it isn't so daunting that I don't want to do it. The only greater sensation would be for me to know that others are sharing and wallowing in my effervescent glee! But that's a long way away, and I only use that vision for when I masturbate.
If you have anything you wish to share with me or indeed the readers, feel freeto comment or e-mail me at twentyfiveand0@hotmail.co.uk - Don't forget to check out the What Have I Been Playing pages found on the right! OR Check out my channel at www.youtube.com/ike1luv
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